Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
