I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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