Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
