Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
