How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
