I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
