You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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