He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
