who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
