your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
