Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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