It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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