Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
nutella sex= disaster
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
