Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
