I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
