u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
