Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
