Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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