We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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