i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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