Ambien. No doubt about it.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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