What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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