Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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