Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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