I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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