Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
