I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
