Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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