Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
