She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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