I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
