I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
