You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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