I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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