She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And then my night got REAL pukey
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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