any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
