I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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