He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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