So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
