I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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