U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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