Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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