You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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