i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize
