He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
