we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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