you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I want to be your penis for a week.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
