i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
