how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This is the high leading the old right now
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
