We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
